ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
