Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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