Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
