They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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