Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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