david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize