I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
