You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
