McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
