Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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