SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I want to fling myself into the sun
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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