idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
