you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
In America we eat man semen.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
