woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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