update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
