what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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