Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
