Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
