he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
