If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Randomize
