my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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