When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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