id be glad to
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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