You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
