dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
