I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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