In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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