This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
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