Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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