She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
