So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
