I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
