She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
