Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Best friends brother. Beat that.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
