dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize