this beer tastes like vomit already
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
