i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
