you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
