Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize