i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
