It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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