My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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