'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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