I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
