wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
