Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
