Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
What a dumb baby whore.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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