I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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