i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize