just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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