Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
