Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
