I wannas sexs uuuuu
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
