I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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