a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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