maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
