i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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