got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
