We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
