I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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