Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Randomize
