So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
