you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
