Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
