Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize