The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize