I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize