this boner is exhausting
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize