i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
