It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
